This past weekend, I made my first trip back to Seattle since coming out to the farm. In addition to visiting a very good friend from Jerz, I was delighted to encounter some pretty horrid anxiety attacks there.
This was completely unexpected. I used to live in a city. My lifestyle is heavily based on interacting with friendly strangers and sometimes making stellar connections. What gives? I do not know for sure, but I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been living in the middle of nowhere for the past two months, with a small circle of less than a baker’z dozen people constituting my entire social life..
I also wasn’t used to the traffic. The congested roads which seemed to be swallowed up by all the buildings surrounding them. The pervasive gray dampness. And all_those_people. Sweet jebus.
My friend and I went to see Mirah perform at a Cathedral Saturday night. I was already really flustered and starving by the time we arrived. I made some major mistake at the parking garage, which prompted the lady working there to chase my car down and scream at me. I have been learning so much at the farm that information such as “how to use parking garage” just started slipping out my ears. I apologized profusely to the nice lady and explained to her that I don’t use parking garages very much anymore, but “I can milk goats, now.”
Aaaaaanyway,when my friend started walking slowly up the church aisle in search of a good seat, I straight up froze. I crouched and hastily crept up behind my friend like a fat kid trying to sneak into the kitchen, grabbed her shoulder, and begged her to sit in the back row with me. “I’m really sorry,” I said, “but I’m kind of freaking out here.”
Mirah’s angelic voice swirling around the cathedral definitely helped me calm down fast, as did the lollipop I had snuck in with me. Lollies help me focus and relax for some reason. It also felt wonderfully impish to suck on one in a church.
I carried my leatherman and a bandana in my pockets and noticed that the people around me smelled more like flowers than animal poop. I sat on the floor in a hotel room full of soft, cushy, CLEAN pieces of furniture. I worked mushrooms and/or goats into every conversation.
So, yeah, it was kind of weird, but overall a great trip to the city. I remember my first drive from Seattle to Royal City. As I passed through the mountains (btw- the drive East through the Cascades is way nicer than the drive West), into the vast emptiness on the other side, I thought to myself, “oh man, there is NOTHING out here!” This time, I saw the open space and felt it welcome me like a giant warm blanket fresh from the dryer. I let out a sigh of relief and felt happy to be in the place I’ve chosen to plant myself for the next 6 months. I don’t know if this weird spazzy behavior will continue for future trips into the city or not.
In other news, I’m eating so much freaking goat milk/cheese/ice cream/whey from Penny that I think she believes I’m her kid.